A man walks down the street
He says, "Why am I soft in the middle now?
Why am I soft in the middle?
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard"
Bonedigger, bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away my well-lit door
Mr. Beerbelly, Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know I don't find this stuff
Amusing anymore

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me
You can call me Al

A man walks down the street
He says, "Why am I short of attention?
Got a short little span of attention
And, woe my nights are so long
Where's my wife and family?
What if I die here?
Who'll be my role model
Now that my role model is
Gone gone?"
He ducked back down the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along along
There were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me Al

A man walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's the third world
Maybe it's his first time around
He doesn't speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He is surrounded by the sound, the sound
Cattle in the marketplace
Scatter-lings and orphanages

He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says, "Amen!" and "Hallelujah!"

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me

Na na na na …

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can call you Betty

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can call you Betty

If you'll be my bodyguard ...