Well the gamblin' bug bit a lot of men
But what it's done to me is a rotten sin
I've bet myself clean out of house and home
Cause there ain't nothin' this side of hell
Like tryin' to pick a winner in the NFL
Especially when you're luck is goin' wrong

I was on the job and workin' hard
When a man come along with this football card
And said try your luck boy all your friends have won
So I played the thing for a week or two
And got a little behind like most folks do
And started doublin' up and that's when they popped me son

Well I lost my furniture on a Denver bet
Oakland got my new corvette
And the Rams are the reason I cashed them five hot checks
The Cardinals took my savins' account
And the Redskins got a similar amount
That I borrowed from a finance company on a 90 day note

Then Dallas put me in a hell of a fix
I gave up seven they won by six
You'd think that Staubach personally hated me
The Green Bay Packers were doin' fine
Till they had to go into overtime
And when you got plus one you're dead when they win by three

Then along come the Baltimore Colts
For another stack of the cool C notes
Seems I can't win no matter what I try
Bert Jones might be their franchise
But the way he's bloodshot these ole eyes
Is enough to make a grown man sit and cry

Well the Pittsburgh Steelers left no choice
But for my poor wife to file for divorce
On the simple grounds of football cruelty
Then I heard somewhere that the Bears were hot
So with them I took another shot
And you guessed it pal the Falcons beat 'em 40 to 3

Then Seattle and the cool gym zone
Make me wish I 'd never been born
I even let Tampa Bay take a shot at me
Well I've got the Bengals and Chargers to thank
For the losses that drove me to rob that bank
Even the cop that arrested me looked like a referee

Now here I sit with this stupid grin
And the jury's just now coming back in
And the foreman and the judge are lookin' at me real hard
And I know in my heart what they're gonna say

They're gotta put me away where I can't play
That American dream of tryin' to beat that football card

Bum Phillips has made a bum out of me
Miami Dolphins oughta put me in that tank
They flipped my wallet enough
And Detroit Lions ohh they roared through me and they lost
Like to get my hands on Fran Tarkenton
Scramble his brains
New England Patriots and Grogan didn't help me any
Yeah the Cleveland Browns yeah they gave me a black eye
And the Kansas City Chiefs tried to scalp me
Whu mercy the Jets Saints Buffalo Bills
New York Giants you name me they got me
Ooh Forty-Niners relieved me of my gold tooth
Football I hate I think I'll give it one more shot during the playoffs
Maybe I can win the Super Bowl
I wonder if the Gifford and old dandy Don and Cosell ever played the cards
That Greek ain't been right all the time either
Mercy