When it comes to hitchin' the boat up
Backin' down the ramp in my old truck
To find a bunch of logs, to catch a bunch of hogs
Yeah, I wrote the book, yeah, I wrote the book

If you wanna learn to throw a curve right
Catch a clean up lookin' on a third strike
Talk a little smack while he's walkin' back
Yeah, I wrote the book

But there's one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand
One that says don't cuss and don't fight
Or let the bottle turn you into a different man
But damn if I don't do it every Friday night
Those get you into Heaven letters in red
Ain't gettin' read enough to keep me on a straight line
I'm a Jack of all trades, but man I gotta say
That's one book I didn't write

I met a good girl, she had her life straight
She said she loved that I was good at everything
One day she left me in a cloud of dust
'Cause I never was too good at pickin' up

The one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand
One that says don't cuss and don't fight
Or let the bottle turn you into a different man
But damn if I don't do it every Friday night
Those get you into Heaven letters in red
Ain't gettin' read enough to keep me on a straight line
I'm a Jack of all trades, but man I gotta say
That's one book I didn't write

Yeah, the good Lord knows I need it
I didn't write it, but I probably oughta read it

The one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand
One that says don't cuss and don't fight
Or let the bottle turn you into a different man
But damn if I don't do it every Friday night
Those get you into Heaven letters in red
Ain't gettin' read enough to keep me on a straight line
I'm a Jack of all trades, but man I gotta say
That's one book I didn't write
That's one book I didn't write
That's one book I didn't write